4 Ways I'm Nurturing My Heart When Life is Busy

 Originally published for Live Today Well Collective on Dec. 21, 2022:

I am perhaps not your typical 41 year old woman. I am not married, I do not have any children. I once lived in a convent and discerned religious life. I currently have more time and resources to pursue the things that I want than most women my age, especially when it comes to taking time for myself in prayer. 

However, as a 41 year old woman with plenty of my own life experience, I’ve discovered that carving out time for prayer does not always come naturally.  I have been a first year teacher trying to simultaneously earn a Masters Degree while maintaining relationships and community. I’ve accompanied friends whose lives are quite different from mine in their own struggles. It seems we all have difficulty finding time for ourselves. Despite knowing what it is like to prioritize the need to make time for oneself, I know that sometimes our prayer lives are the first things to go. 

What I learned in my time in the convent has shaped the way I pray. We can make time for prayer throughout the day, even when life seems to get too busy. 

While it’s true that our days in the convent were designed to make time for God, our days were still full of many things that we had to manage. We had household chores to do, classes to study for, and people to minister to.

While we made time for personal prayer by getting up early in the morning and gathering together for Evening Prayer or Lectio Divina at night, the rest of the day was pretty “normal” when it came to having to be in many places and serving many people. 

Since being back in the outside world, I have tried to incorporate some of the techniques I learned while living with the sisters. Here are a few things that have helped me: 

Set a time of prayer

I still get up early in the morning, and as a school teacher, this means very early since I have to be at school by 7:30 AM, when most of my friends with office jobs are still sleeping. But I try to make time every morning- just 5 to 10 minutes- to say a novena or read the daily readings for Mass each day, even if I’m gulping down coffee and halfway out the door while doing it. I know my mom friends are usually up and attending to their children, getting them ready for the day, so the early AM prayer time may not be ideal. Morning prayer for them might mean mid-morning naptime prayer. 

Create and Stick to a Prayer Routine

One of the most helpful things I took away from my time with the sisters was learning about St. Ignatius’ Discernment of Spirits. These rules teach us what to do when we are feeling close to God (consolation) and far from Him (desolation). 

Something I still use to this day is Ignatius’ fifth of the 14 Rules of Discernment of Spirits. In this rule, Ignatius suggests that, no matter how desolate or far from God we feel, we must stick to our intentions and our routines. In other words, no matter how the devil tries to tempt us with busyness or distraction, we need to stick to our intentions to pray. (I personally also have to apply this rule to my intentions to work out every other day! The devil loves to try to distract me from the treadmill after a long day.)

Set Realistic Goals

In addition to sticking to our intentions and developing prayer routines, other suggestions I would have to those striving for holiness amid busyness is to make realistic goals for yourself. We learn to make manageable goals in our careers or with our health habits, but not necessarily with our spiritual goals. 

Around Lent, I always teach my students to pick something realistic to give up or try. Do not promise that you will pray an hour a day or go to Adoration if it is a lofty goal that you won’t be able to attain. There have been times where my week gets too busy and the hour of Adoration I had wanted may not be manageable. I may have to settle for 10 minutes instead. So there needs to be a balance between our “stick to it” goals and what is realistically manageable in our lives. 

Find Accountability

Lastly, I have learned that as a single woman, I need accountability in my prayer life since I don’t have a partner or family to consult with regularly. I need to sign up for that prayer group at Church or Bible Study to get me to stick with my spiritual goals. Just like signing up for a gym or a workout class, we need accountability and community to help us strengthen our spiritual lives. I have been a part of many women’s groups with women of all walks of life and I find that having to show up for them helps me to show up for myself and God as well. 

In summary, when life seems to get too busy: 

Make a realistic prayer plan. Even the smallest amount of time devoted each day in prayer to God pleases Him. Lucky for us, He is outside of time anyways. 

When you make a plan, remember St. Ignatius’ rules for discernment and stick with the plan no matter what distractions the devil may tempt you with. 

 Have an accountability partner in prayer. Whether it be a spouse, a friend, an event at Church, include others in carving out that journey to God and holiness.

And ultimately, know that you are not alone! You are not the only one longing to make prayer a priority while juggling a million other things. 

I take great comfort in St. Therese of Lisiuex’s philosophy of “The Little Way” and doing little things with great love. The little things that we do for God are always pleasing when we do them with great love. 

A final reminder comes from Thomas Merton and his famous prayer: “...I believe that the desire to please You, does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.” 

May we know that our desire to please God does in fact please Him, even in our busyness