Learning to Accept God's Time

 Originally published for The Holy Ruckus on June 15, 2021

About a year ago now, I wrote my first piece for the Holy Ruckus. A friend of mine had approached me and thought that my vocation story about discerning religious life and ultimately deciding that it wasn’t for me, only to remain single for the following decade of my life was a story worth sharing. You can check out that piece here. 

A full year in quarantine, a 40th birthday celebration, and a mini-heartbreak later ( I could write another piece on dating in a pandemic), I still find myself single and entering a whole new decade of my life. There was still a lot of joy even in the last year of our collective, global trial. Like so many others, I started projects (a podcast for one!). I was able to continue to keep my job and teach in person when many teachers did not have the same privilege. I was able to receive a vaccine and celebrate my milestone birthday with other vaccinated family and friends. I have still been able to adjust and live my life and grow as a single person even in this pandemic. 

But I’m still single. Even though I’ve prayed. Even though I’ve “put myself out there” on apps, on FaceTime, and in person. Even though I have spent the last decade of my life making the most of it and writing blog posts about how I’m not surviving but thriving. Despite desiring otherwise, I’m still in the same place vocationally.

I always like to refer to St. Paul when I contemplate my singleness. St. Paul refers to a “thorn in the flesh” that keeps him close to our Lord. We all have one. For some, it might be a sin that we repeat and just can’t shake. For others, it might be a difficult relationship or finances or perhaps not being able to start a family. For me, my singleness has always been the thorn in my side. I haven’t let it get the best of me, but it does get wearisome because I do desire to be in a relationship and am not willing to settle for anything less than what I know I am worth. 

As I mentioned, one of the things I did during the last year was start a podcast. This was a way for me to connect with friends and people whom I haven’t even really met during a time when we couldn’t gather or get together. I have really enjoyed my conversations with others and recently two of my guests reminded me of passages in Scripture that I needed to remember as I enter another decade of my life as a single person. 

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe...When you call me, when you pray to me, I will listen to you.”- Jeremiah 29: 11-12

“Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? In the desert I make a way, in the wasteland, rivers.”- Isaiah 43: 18-19

Jeremiah and Isaiah are major prophets in the Old Testament. The latter part of Isaiah was probably not written by him but written by another prophetic voice during the time of the Babylonian Exile. Jeremiah was also a prophet during the Babylonian Exile. 

The Israelites thought that their time in Exile would be shorter than it inevitably was. Jeremiah and Isaiah reminded them that God would one day liberate them and lead them back to their homes. But it wasn’t in the time that they had originally thought. I can certainly relate to this and I’m sure that many of us can in regards to whatever we find that is our “thorn in our flesh” and how long it has been there. 

This is also the year of St. Joseph. I have been praying the Litany of St. Joseph daily since March. Joseph was one who originally did not understand God’s plan. He wanted to divorce Mary quietly until God clued him into the plan. God gave him a mission that perhaps wasn’t initially in his own plans for his life. 

We don’t hear much about St. Joseph in Scripture, so I have been trying to get to know him more and look to him as a model of courage and bravery. I will say that so far this year, St. Joseph has been a powerful intercessor for me. When I did pursue a relationship earlier this year, he gave me the clarity and the answer that I needed regarding that relationship, even if it wasn’t the answer that I wanted. He has continued to affirm for me that I am where God wants me right now, even if it’s not where I thought I would be at this particular point in my life.

The last year has not been what many of us had expected, but we are in good company. I continue to look to the saints and the Scriptures to remind me that God’s time is always the best time, even if it is for a long time.